You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize