I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize