We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
