i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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