Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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