sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
false alarm. still invincible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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