I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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