I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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