both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize