i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
