Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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