So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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