Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
