just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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