farters have to be the big spoon...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
