you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
