their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
