doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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