I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
