Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
