My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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