After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i think i have two assholes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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