in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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