He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
