I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
