The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
