I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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