Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think people are normalizing furries
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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