i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
