The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
