you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
