Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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