His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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