How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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