dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
