I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I want is dick and wine.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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