I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize