I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
