Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
