Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
