I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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