I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
