Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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