dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
