Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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