shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
