i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize