I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
