Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize