i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
