i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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