I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
