Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
