She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
