Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
