She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
