i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
