I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
