the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize