I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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