help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
