you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
