gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize