I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
