I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
