Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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